Thursday, December 27, 2012

"Morning" Sickness

We are so excited for this little life growing inside of me.  And I am also oh so nauseated.  I've been sick with all four of my pregnancies now (usually for the first 5 months) and each one seems to get a little worse and this one is no hit fast and furious and has by far been my hardest yet.  I spent the first two weeks trying to ignore it and just be thankful.  See, when we lost Joy I was still in the thick of the "morning" sickness and after it was all said and done I just remember thinking that I would give anything to feel that way again if only it meant she could still be with me.  I think about that often and it reminds me to be thankful for this as best as I can.  But a few weeks in I realized that I also have to be realistic...with myself and others.  The truth is that this pregnancy is kicking my butt.  I've never experienced it this bad before...the constant nausea, the total exhaustion, and other odd little symptoms.  I'm having a hard time eating (it generally makes the nausea worse), and I'm spending the bulk of my time sleeping or resting in the recliner.  As I write this Joe and my parents are in the kitchen having lunch with the kids and I just couldn't stomach anything right now.  The smell of my much loved Starbucks (and now coffee in general) make me want to loose my lunch.  There are some days I just want to cry...but I just keep reminding myself that it's worth it.  I KNOW that it's worth it.  There are so many women who would love nothing more than to be in my shoes...women who can't get pregnant, women who have lost their precious little babes...I have been there and I know that it is worth it...every single nauseated second.  

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