Thursday, June 19, 2014


Thank you once again to everyone who reached out to us in kind words and encouragement and prayers after my last post.

I didn't write the things I did, however, because I want people to feel sorry for us.  I wrote them because this blog is an outlet for me.  I decided a long time ago that I didn't want my blog to be a place where I pretend to have it all together and where I only show the pretty pictures (though I do love sharing pictures).  Some days I feel like I have it together and some days I'm a mess...the other day I was a mess.  And I have learned through many years of training in ministry (and life lived alongside countless students, staff, friends, and family) that I do nobody any good (myself included) when I just put on a happy face and pretend that everything is okay. So, no, I don't want you to feel sorry for us...we really are okay.  But what I do want (and what you all gave in abundance) was a place for me to be real, sweet encouragement, and most importantly your prayers!  But the beauty that I have also found in being real and honest with where I am at (not just now, but always) is that it invites others into my life and give space for them to show me both grace and truth.  And that's how I grow...that's how we all grow.  Because when I am feeling defeated and fearful I need others to come alongside and love me and support me, but I also need them to speak truth into my remind me about contentment, to help me to see God's provision, and to show me again how to live out God's truths in my life.  And that is why I share the things I do...well, that and I've just never been good at keeping things bottled up!:)

So thank you to all of you who did that for me the other day (whether I knew you did or not)!  Yesterday and today have been really good and I have felt God working on my heart.  Not a thing has changed about our circumstances and yet God brought so much peace and contentment and joy in the last two days!  Those things (again not based on our circumstances at all) can only be the result of all of your prayers and of God moving in our hearts.  I couldn't be more thankful.

Joe brought the boat home yesterday (oh that silly boat that brought such tears) and he put the tarp on it and put it away, likely for the season or longer, and it was okay.  Joe talked more with the mechanic and did some of his own research and we have a much better understanding of what is wrong with the engine, what will need to be done to repair it, and how much it will cost.  This mechanic was actually very kind with us and it seems as though he is giving us a pretty good deal.  And though we wanted so badly to fix it we knew that we have to do the wise thing and wait...wait until we have the money in hand and can really afford to fix it.  It's likely that won't be this summer, but it will happen at some point.

We are still disappointed.  It felt like the ONE thing I was hoping for this summer.  But the reality is, as my friend helped me to see again last night, that I already have everything I really need.  My hope isn't found in a boat, or even my husband or my children or our ministry.  My hope, true hope, can only be found in knowing and being known by the Lord.  In knowing that this life isn't all we are living for.  I've learned this lesson before, but my heart forgets.

Is it wrong to want our boat?  No, I don't think it is at all.  God gives good things, things for us to enjoy, things that can indeed bring moments of happiness.  This is good.  Our boat is good.  My desire to have our boat working is good.  As long as that good thing and that good desire doesn't outweigh my desire for The One who is the only true source of joy.

And we are still fundraising full time for our ministry here.  We have a long way to go and that is hard.  But the reality of our situation may just be the kick in the pants we needed to really do the work, to really seek the Lord in this, and to really humble ourselves in the process of fundraising and asking for help.

So He is working.  He is working on my heart to remind me of what is true.  And He is calling me to continually trust in Him for every need.  It would feel easier if I didn't have to.  But I do and I am and I know that He will be faithful.

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